“There is never a right time to have a baby.” Letter from a Covid mama

Updated: Mar 25, 2021

Its very challenging going through the whole process of becoming a mother but adding a pandemic well thats hard just within itself. There are many expecting mamas during this pandemic that are feeling a rollercoaster of emotions and after this beautiful maternity session I kindly asked Lauren if she would be open to sharing her experience from one covid mama to another. I want you to know that your not alone and your feelings are important and I think it is so brave and powerful for Lauren to be open to sharing her experience through this whole pandemic as a first time mama. I thank her so much for sharing her story and my goal with this post is that if you are expecting a sweet baby or babies during these hard scary time. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Please reach out and talk to someone that you can lean on and express these feelings to a friend, family member, your doula, another mama from a motherhood group, even me please feel free to email or text me IM HERE TO LISTEN.

"These words have echoed in my mind every day for the past 35 weeks.  When we married 5 years ago my husband and I were pretty certain we would never have children, but as time went on I couldn’t help but see the amazing father my husband would make and so we started the conversation about “the right time” to have a baby.

We worked to check all the boxes: established our careers at jobs that gave us satisfaction, moved to be closer to family, purchased a home in a good school district, and even started prenatal vitamins in anticipation.  Despite our best laid plans no one could have prepared us for our first big test as parents: pregnancy during a global pandemic.

In our first trimester we naively thought the biggest struggle of the pregnancy would be morning sickness.  Just as we entered the second trimester and I started feeling human again, our state was ordered to “shelter-in-place” in order to help prevent the spread of Coronavirus.  While we shared the big news with those closest to us around Christmas, we had just started to tell people at our workplaces the most exciting news of our lives when we were ordered to stay home and only venture out for essentials.

Initially, we were both fearful of contracting the virus and what that might mean for the health of our baby.  With every medical appointment we felt more and more at ease about our baby’s health, but other changes started to become apparent.  

Our expectations and “plans” were changing weekly, sometimes daily.  The most heartbreaking realization was that my husband would only see the ultrasound of his first-born baby at one medical appointment as he was no longer allowed into the doctor’s office.

Heartbreak and disappointment over our changing expectations settled in, all the while feeling fearful we might get sick or that our employment might be compromised, along with feelings of shame and guilt that others were suffering and losing their lives without even getting to say goodbye to their loved ones.  While we may not have gotten to show off our growing baby bump, or taken the babymoon of our dreams in Maui, we have learned so much about the things that are most important and have been overwhelmed with gratitude that we are healthy and that those we love are healthy.  We have been so blessed to have the most amazing friends and family who have helped us celebrate bringing our first baby into the world from near and far and surrounded us with love, as well as amazing medical professionals who have helped to put our minds at ease, an amazing photographer who gave us the most “normal” experience we could have hoped for by being so compassionate and understanding, and uplifting 3D ultrasound appointments so my husband was able to see our baby grow in our third trimester. 

The ultimate irony for this Type A, control-freak expectant mother is that despite all our planning and efforts to wait for the “right” time, we will be delivering a baby into a world that looks different than anything we could have ever predicted.  While we will be meeting our first baby wearing masks to ensure we are all protected, we are more grateful than ever to have our health and the health of our loved ones. Despite all of the changes in the last 8 months, this baby is already so loved by so many and will learn the importance of what matters most from their very first day."

- Lauren - A Covid Mama

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